“Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”
Oscar Wilde, a master of wit and aphorism, delivered this powerful piece of advice. His words cut through the complexities of human connection with startling clarity. This single sentence serves as both a warning and a declaration of self-worth. It challenges us to examine our most intimate relationships. Furthermore, it demands that we seek a love that sees us not as commonplace, but as exceptional.
At its core, Wilde’s statement is a profound commentary on the nature of true affection and respect. To be treated as “ordinary” in a relationship is a quiet kind of heartbreak. It means your unique qualities, quirks, and passions go unnoticed. Your partner may see you as a fixture in their life, not as a dynamic individual. This kind of love lacks the celebration and admiration that make a partnership thrive. In essence, it is a love of convenience, not a love of genuine appreciation.
The Danger of Ordinary Love
Settling for a love that sees you as ordinary is a dangerous compromise. It slowly erodes your sense of self. When someone you love fails to recognize your special qualities, you may begin to question them yourself. This subtle devaluation can chip away at your confidence over time. You might stop pursuing hobbies they find uninteresting. You may quiet the parts of your personality they don’t seem to value. Consequently, you risk becoming a muted version of yourself to fit into someone else’s mundane expectations.
This erosion of self-esteem is a significant risk in unfulfilling relationships. When a partner consistently overlooks your strengths and passions, it sends a clear message: you are not worthy of special attention. Psychologists often note the importance of validation from a romantic partner. Without this validation, individuals may experience increased feelings of insecurity and loneliness, even within the relationship itself. The love that should build you up instead begins to tear you down. Source
Recognizing a Love That Celebrates You
So, what does it mean to be loved by someone who thinks you are extraordinary? It is not about grand, empty gestures or constant flattery. Instead, it is found in the small, consistent actions that show they truly see you. An extraordinary love pays attention. It remembers the little details about you. It encourages your growth, even when it is inconvenient.
This type of partner celebrates your victories as their own. They listen to your stories with genuine interest. Furthermore, they admire the quirks and eccentricities that make you who you are. They do not try to change you into a more palatable version of yourself. On the contrary, they love you more for your authenticity. This is the standard Wilde encourages us to hold. It is a love that actively appreciates your unique existence every single day.
Practical Signs of an Appreciative Partner
Identifying this kind of love requires looking at actions, not just words. Here are a few signs that your partner sees you as anything but ordinary:
- They Champion Your Passions: They actively support your hobbies and career goals, showing genuine excitement for your pursuits.
- They Listen to Understand: When you speak, they are not just waiting for their turn to talk. They engage with your thoughts and feelings.
- They Embrace Your Flaws: They understand that you are not perfect and love you for your whole self, including the imperfect parts.
- They Create a Safe Space: You feel comfortable being completely vulnerable and authentic with them without fear of judgment.
Applying Wilde’s Wisdom in Your Life
Embracing Oscar Wilde’s advice requires courage. It means refusing to settle for a love that feels lukewarm or indifferent. It demands that you value yourself enough to walk away from relationships that diminish your light. In a world of fleeting connections and endless options, this principle is more relevant than ever. It guides you to seek depth and genuine admiration over superficial attachment.
Ultimately, this quote is a call for self-love. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. When you recognize your own worth and treat yourself as extraordinary, you are less likely to accept treatment that suggests otherwise. Therefore, hold out for the person who sees the magic in you that you see in yourself. Never allow anyone to make you feel ordinary, because you are not.