Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
— Groucho Marx, Letter to Harry Kurnitz, March 28, 1955
I first encountered this line during a particularly rough Tuesday afternoon. A friend texted it to me with zero context — just the quote and a laughing emoji. I was sitting in a coffee shop, half-distracted by a work deadline, and I almost scrolled past it. Then I read it again. Something about the slow-burn setup — two years of pursuit, the confident pivot, the perfectly timed punchline — made me laugh out loud in a way that startled the person at the next table. It landed not as a recycled joke but as something alive, something that felt like it had been written specifically to ambush unsuspecting readers in coffee shops. That moment sent me down a research rabbit hole I still haven’t fully climbed out of.
So where does this quip actually come from? The answer is more specific — and more interesting — than most people realize. Groucho Marx deserves full credit for this joke, and the paper trail leads directly to a private letter written in 1955.
The Earliest Known Appearance
The quote first appeared in print in 1967. The book compiled correspondence written by and to Groucho Marx across several decades. Inside one chapter titled “Friends Abroad,” researchers found a letter dated March 28, 1955. Groucho addressed it to Harry Kurnitz, a playwright and screenwriter who moved in the same creative circles.
In that letter, Groucho wrote the line almost exactly as we know it today. He described chasing a woman for nearly two years. He then revealed the comic twist — her tastes matched his own perfectly. The original phrasing reads: “we both were crazy about girls.” That precise word order matters, as we’ll explore later.
This means the joke existed privately for twelve years before the public ever saw it. Groucho wrote it in a personal letter, not for an audience, not for a performance. That context makes it feel even more authentic. He wasn’t performing for a crowd. He was just being Groucho — sharp, irreverent, and perfectly timed — in a private note to a friend.
Who Was Harry Kurnitz?
Understanding the recipient adds texture to the joke. Harry Kurnitz was no casual acquaintance. He wrote sharp, witty material himself and moved comfortably among the entertainment elite of his era. Groucho wouldn’t have wasted a good joke on someone who couldn’t appreciate it.
The two men clearly shared a comedic sensibility. Writing a joke this layered in a private letter suggests Groucho trusted Kurnitz to catch the rhythm, the misdirection, and the punchline without any stage cues. Additionally, it tells us something important: Groucho’s comedic voice didn’t switch off when the cameras stopped rolling. He simply kept writing.
How the Quote Evolved Over Time
Here’s where things get interesting for anyone who cares about textual accuracy. The original 1955 letter uses the phrase “we both were crazy about girls.” However, later reference books quietly altered the word order.
That shift — “we both were” versus “we were both” — seems minor. In practice, it changes the rhythm of the sentence. Groucho’s original phrasing has a slightly more emphatic, almost theatrical quality. The altered version sounds more conversational, more modern. Neither version changes the meaning, but the original carries more of Groucho’s distinctive cadence.
The 2000 Times Book of Quotations also labeled the quote with “Attr.” — short for attributed. That label signals something important. The editors believed Groucho said it, but they couldn’t point to a specific source. They were right about the attribution — they just hadn’t traced it back to the 1955 letter yet.
By 2001, the picture became clearer. This was a meaningful step forward. Rees connected the quote to the 1967 book, giving researchers a solid anchor point. However, even Cassell’s version used the slightly altered word order rather than the original phrasing from the letter itself.
Groucho Marx: The Man Behind the Joke
To fully appreciate this quote, you need to understand Groucho’s comedic worldview. He built his entire career on subverting expectations. His humor consistently targeted pomposity, social convention, and the gap between what people claimed and what they actually did.
This joke fits that pattern perfectly. It presents itself as a story of romantic pursuit — a completely conventional setup. Then it detonates the premise with surgical precision. The punchline doesn’t mock the woman. It mocks the narrator’s own assumptions. Groucho turns himself into the fool, which is exactly what made his comedy so disarming.
Additionally, the joke works because it refuses to be cruel. It observes human behavior with amusement rather than judgment. That generosity of spirit — finding the absurdity without punishing anyone for it — represents some of Groucho’s finest work.
The Structure of the Joke Itself
Let’s spend a moment on the mechanics, because they’re worth admiring. The setup runs long deliberately. Two years is a specific, almost painful length of time. Groucho doesn’t say “a while” or “some time.” He says almost two years. That specificity makes the narrator sound genuinely invested, perhaps even a little foolish in retrospect.
Then the pivot arrives: “only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine.” This line sounds like it’s heading toward a reconciliation story. You expect something like “she liked the same things I did” or “we had so much in common.” Instead, the final clause reframes everything that came before it. “We both were crazy about girls” transforms the entire narrative in five words.
Groucho executes this with the confidence of someone who has spent decades studying what makes people laugh. The joke doesn’t rush. It earns its punchline.
Why Misattribution Happens With Quotes Like This
Quotes travel fast and lose their luggage along the way. This particular line circulated for years before most people knew where it came from. Several factors contributed to that confusion.
First, the original source was a private letter. Source Private correspondence doesn’t get cited the way published books do. Therefore, when someone repeated the joke verbally, they often couldn’t point to a specific text. Second, Groucho’s public persona was so large that jokes simply attached themselves to his name — some accurately, some not.
Third, the slight variations in wording — “we both were” versus “we were both” — suggest the quote passed through multiple oral and written retelling cycles before landing in reference books. Each retelling introduced small changes. As a result, even careful editors sometimes worked from secondhand versions rather than the original letter.
The good news is that the core attribution holds up. Groucho wrote this. The 1955 letter proves it. Later reference works confirmed it, even when they couldn’t always nail down the exact original phrasing.
Cultural Impact and Modern Usage
This quote has enjoyed a long afterlife. People share it because it does several things simultaneously. It’s funny on the surface. It’s also quietly progressive, treating the punchline with complete matter-of-factness rather than shock or disgust. Groucho doesn’t editorialize. He simply reports what happened, as if the whole situation were entirely ordinary — which, in his telling, it is.
That casualness reads as remarkably modern. Source He doesn’t treat the woman’s preferences as a scandal or a punchline in themselves. The joke targets his own obliviousness, not her identity.
In modern usage, the quote appears frequently in discussions about self-awareness, romantic misreading, and the comedy of human assumptions. Additionally, it circulates in LGBTQ+ cultural spaces as an early example of mainstream humor treating same-sex attraction without malice. That’s a meaningful legacy for a private letter written nearly seventy years ago.
Getting the Text Right
If you plan to quote this line, use the original phrasing from the 1955 letter. The correct version reads:
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
Avoid the slightly altered Source version that drops “that” and rearranges “we both were” to “we were both.” Those changes crept into reference books through the natural drift of repeated quotation. However, the original letter — verified with scans — gives us the authoritative text.
Always attribute the quote to Groucho Marx. Always note the 1955 letter to Harry Kurnitz as the source. And if anyone tells you the attribution is uncertain, point them to the 1967 book. The evidence is solid.
Why This Quote Still Matters
Some jokes age poorly. This one hasn’t. It still lands because the human experience it describes — the gap between what we think is happening and what’s actually happening — remains universally recognizable. We all pursue things based on incomplete information. We all occasionally discover that our assumptions were hilariously wrong.
Groucho captures that experience with economy and grace. He uses thirty-two words to tell a complete story with a beginning, a middle, and a devastating end. Furthermore, he does it without cruelty, without confusion, and without a wasted syllable. That’s the work of a genuinely gifted writer operating at the height of his powers — in a private letter, to a friend, on an ordinary Tuesday in 1955.
The next time someone forwards you this quote with zero context and a laughing emoji, you’ll know exactly where it came from. And hopefully, like me, you’ll laugh out loud and startle the person sitting next to you.