“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”. Source
Clive Staples Lewis, better known as C.S. Lewis, penned these insightful words in his book The Four Loves. This powerful passage cuts to the core of a universal human dilemma. We deeply desire connection, yet we fear the pain that often comes with it. Lewis masterfully contrasts the fragile nature of human trust with the foundation of divine faith. He doesn’t suggest we abandon one for the other. Instead, he guides us toward a wiser way of navigating our relationships with both humanity and God.
Lewis’s works remain profoundly influential decades after his death. Indeed, his books have sold millions of copies worldwide and continue to shape modern Christian thought . His wisdom offers a timeless perspective on life’s most pressing questions. Source
. C.S. Lewis – Encyclopedia Britannica
The Inescapable Risk of Loving Others
Lewis begins with a stark and unavoidable truth: love requires vulnerability. When you invest your heart in someone or something, you hand them the power to hurt you. This applies to romantic partners, close friends, family members, and even beloved pets. Consequently, the possibility of betrayal or loss is always present. Lewis does not sugarcoat this reality. He states plainly that your heart will likely be “wrung and possibly broken.”
This is a familiar feeling for many. Modern life often reflects a growing caution in forming deep connections. For instance, some studies indicate that general levels of social trust have been declining for decades. People are increasingly wary of one another, which makes forming genuine bonds more challenging. This trend highlights the very fear C.S. Lewis | Biography, Books, Chronicles of Narnia, & Facts describes.
. C.S. Lewis | Biography, Books, Chronicles of Narnia, & Facts | Britannica
However, C.S. Lewis – Oxford University Faculty of English presents this vulnerability not as a flaw to be avoided but as an essential component of a meaningful life. A heart that can be broken is a heart that is alive and engaged. The pain of loss is the price we pay for the joy of connection. Avoiding this risk altogether comes at an even greater cost.
The Cold Comfort of a Locked-Up Heart
What is the alternative to vulnerability? C.S. Lewis – Biography and Works paints a chilling picture of a heart locked away for its own protection. He suggests you can wrap it in hobbies and luxuries, avoiding all meaningful entanglements. In doing so, you build a fortress of selfishness to keep pain out. This path seems safe and logical. You can prevent anyone from breaking your heart if you never give it to anyone.
Yet, this safety is an illusion. The protected heart does not remain pristine. Instead, it changes inside its self-imposed prison. Lewis uses powerful imagery, describing the heart in its “casket or coffin.” It becomes “unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” In its quest to avoid being broken, it becomes something hard and lifeless. This is not preservation; it is spiritual death.
This concept challenges our modern instincts for self-preservation. We often prioritize emotional safety above all else. Lewis argues that this priority, when taken to its extreme, leads to isolation and decay. Ultimately, the person who refuses to risk love loses the capacity to love at all. They exchange the possibility of pain for the certainty of emptiness.
Anchoring Human Trust in Divine Faith
While Lewis vividly describes the perils of human relationships, he is not advocating for cynicism. His broader theological work provides the necessary context. Lewis believed that the solution to our fragile human trust is a steadfast faith in God. Divine faith offers a secure anchor in a turbulent world. Because God’s love is perfect and unchanging, our trust in Him can be absolute.
This divine foundation changes how we approach human relationships. When our ultimate sense of security rests in God, we are freed to love others more generously. We can accept their imperfections without being destroyed by them. We understand that humans will inevitably fail us, but our core identity and worth are not dependent on their approval or faithfulness. Consequently, our love for others can become less about what we receive and more about what we can give.
In Mere Christianity, Lewis explains that God’s love enables us to love our neighbors. This divine faith doesn’t replace human connection. Instead, it purifies and strengthens it. It allows us to embrace the vulnerability Lewis describes because we know that even if our hearts are broken by people, our spirits remain secure in God.
Living a Life of Courageous Love
So, how do we apply this wisdom today? The lesson from C.S. Lewis is not to trust less but to ground our trust differently. We must courageously choose to love people, knowing the risks involved. We should open our hearts, build relationships, and accept the vulnerability that comes with them.
At the same time, we place our ultimate faith not in fallible people but in a perfect God. This dual approach creates a healthy balance. It protects us from the crushing despair of betrayal while also saving us from the cold, empty existence of a locked-up heart. We can forgive others when they fail us because we recognize our own imperfections and our shared need for grace.
Ultimately, Lewis calls us to a life of brave and open-hearted love. He encourages us to accept the beautiful, messy, and sometimes painful reality of human connection. By anchoring ourselves in divine faith, we find the strength to do so without losing ourselves in the process. This is the path to a truly full and unbreakable spirit.