“Fear arises when we imagine that everything depends on us.”
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— Elisabeth Elliot
This powerful statement from missionary and author Elisabeth Elliot cuts to the heart of much of our modern anxiety. It suggests a profound truth. Our deepest fears often do not come from external threats. Instead, they grow from an internal pressure we place upon ourselves. We foster the illusion that we are the sole architects of our success and the only guardians against failure. This quote invites us to examine the heavy burden of perceived control and find freedom in letting it go.
The Anatomy of a Self-Imposed Fear
Elliot’s choice of words is precise and revealing. She uses the word “imagine,” which highlights a critical point. The belief that everything depends on us is a product of our minds, not necessarily a reflection of reality. It is a story we tell ourselves. This narrative casts us as the central hero who must manage every outcome, solve every problem, and prevent every disaster. Consequently, any potential for failure becomes a direct threat to our identity and worth.
This mindset creates a constant state of high alert. When you believe you are solely responsible for a project’s success, your child’s happiness, or your financial security, the stakes feel impossibly high. Therefore, fear becomes a natural byproduct. It is the emotional response to carrying a weight that no single person was ever meant to bear. This is not the fear of a sudden crisis, but a chronic, low-grade anxiety that hums beneath the surface of daily life.
Why We Cling to Control
If this mindset causes so much fear, why do we adopt it? Often, it stems from a desire for security. We believe that if we can just manage every variable, we can guarantee a positive result. We think control eliminates uncertainty. However, this is a fallacy. Life is inherently unpredictable. Our attempts to control everything only amplify our anxiety when things inevitably go off-script. Furthermore, this belief system can be linked to specific cognitive distortions.
Psychologists have identified patterns where individuals feel an excessive sense of responsibility for events outside their personal control. This way of thinking traps us in a cycle. We take on too much, feel overwhelmed, and then try to regain control by taking on even more. The fear, therefore, is not just of failure, but of losing the very control we believe is keeping us safe. Source
Finding Freedom in Surrender
Breaking free from this fear requires a radical shift in perspective. The antidote is not apathy but active surrender. It involves recognizing our limitations and acknowledging the roles others play. Surrender means focusing on our effort, our integrity, and our actions, while releasing our tight grip on the outcome. This approach allows us to act with purpose and diligence without being paralyzed by the fear of what might happen.
For example, in a professional setting, this means trusting your team. A leader who imagines everything depends on them will micromanage, stifle creativity, and burn out. In contrast, a leader who empowers their colleagues fosters a resilient and more effective team. They understand that success is a collaborative effort. This same principle applies to our personal lives, from parenting to partnerships. True strength is found not in holding on tighter, but in having the wisdom to let go.
Practical Steps to Relinquish Control
How can we put this into practice? First, we must consciously identify the areas where we carry this burden. Ask yourself: “What outcomes do I feel solely responsible for?” Second, practice delegation. Start with small tasks at work or at home. This builds trust in others and in the process itself. Finally, embrace mindfulness. This practice trains your brain to focus on the present moment and your immediate actions, rather than worrying about a future you cannot fully control.
Ultimately, Elisabeth Elliot’s words are an invitation to humility. They call us to accept our place in a larger story. We are important actors, but we are not the sole director, writer, and producer of the entire show. By releasing the illusion that everything depends on us, we also release the fear that comes with it. In its place, we can find peace, collaboration, and a more sustainable way of moving through the world.