Quote Origin: “If you want to influence people, you want…

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

> “If you want to influence people, you want them to accept your suggestions, you don’t say, ‘You don’t know how to use the English language,’ or ‘How could you make that argument?’ It will be welcomed much more if you have a gentle touch than if you are aggressive.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg remains a towering figure in American history. She understood the subtle art of persuasion better than most. Throughout her career, she navigated environments dominated by men. Consequently, she learned that aggression often backfires. True influence requires strategy, not just volume. This quote perfectly encapsulates her philosophy on effective communication. It suggests that how we deliver a message matters as much as the message itself.

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Many people view legal arguments as combat. They assume the loudest voice wins. However, Justice Ginsburg took a different path. She believed in the power of the “gentle touch.” This approach does not mean being weak. Instead, it involves removing barriers to understanding. When you attack someone’s intelligence, they stop listening. Therefore, you must invite them to agree with you. This article explores the origins and enduring wisdom of this famous quote.

Justice Ginsburg delivered this advice during her later years on the bench. Source It reflects decades of experience as a litigator and judge. Specifically, she often discussed the importance of collegiality. . She knew that alienating colleagues made victory impossible. In the context of the Supreme Court, justices must persuade one another constantly. A harsh critique could lose a crucial vote.

She did not view this advice as merely polite. It was strategic. During the 1970s, she fought for gender equality. She had to convince skepticism judges to change the law. An aggressive stance might have hardened their opposition. Thus, she chose to educate rather than attack. She led them to the conclusion gently. This specific quote highlights the danger of intellectual arrogance. Correcting someone’s grammar or logic harshly rarely works. It only breeds resentment.

Furthermore, this philosophy stems from advice her mother-in-law gave her. On her wedding day, she was told, “It helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” While that quote refers to marriage, the sentiment is similar. You must choose your battles. You must also choose your tone. If you snap at every error, you lose your influence. The “gentle touch” preserves the relationship for future battles.

At its core, this quote is about human psychology. Nobody likes feeling incompetent. When you tell someone, “You don’t know how to use the English language,” you insult their core identity. They immediately become defensive. As a result, they cannot process your actual suggestion. The feedback gets lost in the emotional reaction. Ginsburg understood this dynamic intuitively.

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The “gentle touch” acts as a bridge. It signals respect. It tells the listener that you value their contribution. You are merely refining their ideas, not rejecting them. This distinction is critical. When people feel safe, they become open to change. Conversely, aggression triggers a fight-or-flight response. The brain literally shuts down to new information.

Consider the phrase “How could you make that argument?” It sounds incredulous and mocking. It implies the other person is foolish. In contrast, a gentle approach asks questions. You might say, “Have you considered this perspective?” This shift invites collaboration. It turns a conflict into a puzzle you solve together. Therefore, the gentle touch is a tool for consensus.

We see this philosophy most clearly in her relationship with Justice Antonin Scalia. Source They stood on opposite ends of the ideological spectrum. Yet, they shared a profound friendship. They attended the opera together. They celebrated New Year’s Eve together. . She never attacked him personally. instead, she attacked his ideas with precision.

Scalia once said that Ginsburg’s dissents made his majority opinions better. She pointed out flaws without malice. Consequently, he had to strengthen his logic. This productive friction only existed because of mutual respect. If she had been aggressive or insulting, he likely would have ignored her. Her “gentle touch” allowed her to influence the final output of the Court.

Moreover, her written opinions demonstrate this restraint. She wrote with clarity and purpose. She avoided inflammatory language. Even in dissent, she remained respectful of the institution. She wrote for the future. She hoped that a future court would adopt her reasoning. This long-term vision requires patience. Aggression seeks immediate victory. Influence seeks lasting change.

Aggression satisfies the ego, not the goal. It feels good to correct someone sharply. It establishes dominance in the moment. However, it destroys trust. In a professional setting, trust is currency. Once you spend it on a petty correction, it is gone. You become known as the person who is difficult to work with. People stop bringing you ideas. They stop seeking your counsel.

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The quote specifically mentions correcting English usage. This is a common trap for smart people. They focus on the syntax rather than the substance. Correcting grammar in the middle of an argument is a distraction. It signals that you care more about rules than the person. Therefore, the listener tunes you out. They view you as a pedant, not a leader.

Additionally, aggression creates enemies. An embarrassed opponent will wait for you to fail. They will not support your future suggestions. By contrast, the gentle touch builds allies. When you correct someone kindly, they feel grateful. You saved them from a mistake without humiliating them. They are more likely to support you later. Thus, kindness is a strategic investment.

We desperately need this wisdom today. Digital communication often lacks nuance. Social media rewards the “sick burn” or the aggressive takedown. However, these interactions rarely change minds. They only deepen the divide. If we want to influence others online, we must resist the urge to attack.

In the workplace, this advice is equally vital. We often work in diverse teams. Misunderstandings happen. When a colleague makes an error, pause. Do not send an angry email. Do not ask, “How could you do this?” Instead, assume positive intent. Offer a suggestion gently. You might say, “I think this section could be clearer if we phrased it this way.”

Furthermore, leaders should model this behavior. A leader who uses the gentle touch creates psychological safety. Employees feel free to take risks. They admit mistakes early. Conversely, an aggressive leader creates a culture of fear. Mistakes get hidden. Innovation stalls. Therefore, RBG’s advice is a blueprint for healthy organizational culture.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg left behind a legacy of law and wisdom. Her quote on influence reminds us that how we speak matters. We cannot separate the message from the delivery. Aggression builds walls. The gentle touch opens doors. If we want our suggestions to be accepted, we must treat others with dignity.

Source .

Ultimately, persuasion is not about domination. It is about connection. We should strive to be firm in our principles but soft in our delivery. By adopting the gentle touch, we become more effective advocates. We honor Ginsburg’s legacy by engaging with others respectfully. In a noisy world, a gentle voice is often the one that is truly heard.

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