A Roman man, when his friends were finding fault with him for divorcing his beautiful, chaste, and wealthy wife, stuck out his shoe and said:
“This shoe is handsome, new, and well-made, but no one but myself knows where it pinches.”
This simple yet profound anecdote comes to us from the ancient Greek historian and biographer Plutarch. At first glance, the story is about a man justifying his divorce. However, its wisdom extends far beyond a single relationship. It serves as a timeless reminder that we can never truly know the private struggles of others, no matter how perfect their lives may seem from the outside. The man’s friends saw only the external qualities of his wife: her beauty, her virtue, her wealth. They could not see the hidden, personal source of discomfort that made the marriage unbearable for him.
This story highlights a fundamental truth about the human experience. Everyone carries their own unseen troubles. Therefore, judging others based on appearances is often a fool’s errand. We see the polished shoe, not the painful pinch inside.
The Man Behind the Metaphor: Who Was Plutarch?
To fully appreciate the story, it helps to understand its source. Plutarch was a Greek biographer and essayist who lived during the Roman Empire, from approximately 46 to 120 AD. He is most famous for his work Parallel Lives, a series of biographies of famous Greeks and Romans arranged in pairs to illuminate their common moral virtues or failings. He was not just a historian but also a moral philosopher. Consequently, his writings often contain anecdotes and observations designed to teach a lesson.
Plutarch’s work provides a window into the values and daily life of the Greco-Roman world. Source His interest in character and personal ethics shines through in stories like that of the Roman’s shoe. He wasn’t merely recording a historical event. Instead, he was using a powerful metaphor to explore themes of judgment, empathy, and the hidden complexities of human life. His ability to distill a complex idea into a simple, memorable story is why his work continues to resonate with readers nearly two thousand years later. .
Deconstructing the Analogy: The Shoe and Its Pinch
The power of Plutarch’s anecdote lies in its brilliant simplicity. The shoe represents any situation, relationship, or aspect of a person’s life that is visible to the public. It can be a marriage, a career, a family, or even a person’s overall demeanor. From the outside, the shoe looks perfect. It is “handsome, new, and well-made.” This corresponds to the external markers of success and happiness that society values. For the Roman’s wife, these were beauty, chastity, and wealth.
However, the “pinch” is the crucial element. It is the internal, subjective experience that no one else can see or feel. It could be a subtle incompatibility, a persistent annoyance, a quiet disappointment, or a deep-seated unhappiness. This discomfort is intensely personal. The man in the story states it plainly: “no one but myself knows where it pinches.” This emphasizes that some burdens are impossible to share or explain in a way that outsiders can fully comprehend. Therefore, the story teaches us to respect the private reasons behind people’s decisions, even when we do not understand them.
The Danger of Surface-Level Judgments
The reaction of the man’s friends is just as important as the man’s response. They were “finding fault with him,” passing judgment based on the limited information they had. Their perspective was purely external. They saw a man throwing away what appeared to be a perfect life. This is a common human tendency. We often form strong opinions about others’ choices without knowing the full context. We see the happy couple on social media and judge their decision to separate. We see the successful executive quit a high-paying job and question their sanity.
Plutarch’s story cautions against this impulse. It urges a sense of humility and empathy. Before we criticize or offer unsolicited advice, we should remember the shoe. We do not feel the pinch, so we are in no position to judge the wearer’s decision to take it off. This lesson is arguably more important today than it was in ancient Rome. In an era dominated by social media, we are constantly exposed to curated, idealized versions of other people’s lives.
The Pinching Shoe in the Modern World
Social media platforms are modern-day showcases for our