“On meurt deux Source fois, je le vois bien : > > Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable, > > C’est une mort insupportable : > > Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”
This powerful quatrain, penned by the French dramatist Antoine-Vincent Arnault, presents a profound philosophical challenge. It suggests we face two distinct deaths in our lifetime. The first is a social and emotional death: the end of love and connection. The second is the simple biological end of life. Arnault argues forcefully that the first death is an unbearable tragedy, while the second is comparatively insignificant. This idea, while not from Plutarch himself, resonates deeply with the practical, life-oriented philosophy found in works like Plutarch’s Moralia. We can explore this sentiment through that same lens of practical wisdom. It forces us to ask what truly constitutes a life worth living.
At its core, the verse dissects the human experience into two domains. One is our inner world of relationships and affections. The other is our physical existence. By calling the loss of love an “unsupportable death,” Arnault elevates our emotional and social well-being above mere survival. It is a radical statement. Indeed, it suggests that a life devoid of connection is not a life at all, but a hollow existence. This first death is not a single event but a gradual process of isolation and emotional atrophy.
The Two Deaths: A Deeper Analysis
Let’s first examine the “insupportable death.” Arnault describes this as ceasing “to love and be lovable” (cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable). This is a two-part tragedy. Ceasing to love signifies a closing of the heart. It is the point where we stop extending ourselves to others with empathy, kindness, and affection. Consequently, we lose a fundamental part of our humanity. Our capacity for connection defines our experience and gives it meaning. Without it, we become isolated islands.
Furthermore, ceasing to be “lovable” points to a loss of the very qualities that draw others to us. This could mean a descent into bitterness, cruelty, or apathy. When we lose our warmth, our humor, or our compassion, we push others away. This creates a feedback loop of isolation. The less lovable we are, the less love we receive, which in turn makes it harder to love others. This emotional and social demise is what Arnault finds truly unbearable. It is a living death, a state of profound loneliness while the body continues to function.
In stark contrast, the poet claims that ceasing to live “is nothing” (ce n’est rien). This is not a nihilistic dismissal of life. Instead, it is a powerful reordering of priorities. Physical death is an inevitable, natural conclusion. It is a destination we all share. However, the quality of our life—the love we give and receive—is what fills the journey with meaning. Arnault suggests that if we have lived a life full of connection, a life where we have truly loved and been loved, then the final act of dying loses its terror. It becomes a simple, final step rather than the ultimate tragedy.
Philosophical Echoes and Practical Wisdom
While Arnault was a man of the theater, his words echo sentiments from ancient philosophy, particularly the schools that focused on how to live a good life. Source The Greco-Roman philosopher Plutarch, for example, dedicated much of his work, the Moralia, to questions of practical ethics. Plutarch’s essays offer guidance on controlling anger, being a good friend, and finding contentment. . He believed that virtue and character were the cornerstones of a fulfilling existence. Arnault’s focus on love can be seen as a romantic-era interpretation of this classical concern for the soul’s well-being.
Moreover, the idea finds parallels in Stoicism, which teaches us to differentiate between what we can and cannot control. We cannot control the fact that we will one day die. However, we can control our character, our actions, and the love we cultivate in our lives. By focusing on being a loving and lovable person, we invest our energy in the aspects of life that provide enduring meaning. This focus makes external events, including death itself, less frightening. The true tragedy, a Stoic might agree, is a life poorly lived, not a life that ends.
The Psychology of Human Connection
Modern psychology provides scientific support for Arnault’s poetic insight. Numerous studies confirm that social connection is a fundamental human need, essential for both mental and physical health. Loneliness and social isolation are linked to a host of negative outcomes, including depression, anxiety, and even increased mortality. In a very real sense, the “first death” of social connection can hasten the arrival of the second.
For example, attachment theory explains how our earliest bonds shape our ability to form healthy relationships throughout life. A secure attachment fosters the capacity to both give and receive love, protecting us from the “insupportable death.” Conversely, insecure attachments can make it difficult to trust others, leading to the very isolation Arnault describes. This shows that the process of becoming “lovable” and learning “to love” begins in our earliest moments.
This psychological framework gives us a clear path to avoiding the first death. It involves actively nurturing our relationships. It requires us to practice empathy, vulnerability, and forgiveness. It also means developing the self-worth that allows us to believe we are, in fact, lovable. These are not passive states; they are active, ongoing practices. They are the daily work of keeping our humanity alive and well.
Living a Life That Matters
Ultimately, Arnault’s verse is a call to action. It urges us to prioritize our emotional and social lives with the same seriousness we afford our physical health or careers. In a world that often measures success in material terms, this is a vital reminder of where true value lies. The poem asks us to conduct a personal audit. Are we actively loving those around us? Are we cultivating the qualities that make us lovable—kindness, integrity, and generosity?
This reflection is more important than ever. In our digitally connected but often emotionally disconnected age, it is easy to mistake online interactions for genuine bonds. We can have thousands of followers but still feel profoundly alone. Arnault’s wisdom cuts through this modern paradox. He reminds us that true connection is not about quantity but quality. It is about the depth of our affections and the strength of our character. A life rich in love is a life fortified against the deepest of human fears.
In conclusion, the simple quatrain offers a profound guide to living. It teaches us to fear a life without love more than a life that ends. By focusing our energy on nurturing our relationships and our own capacity for connection, we address the one death that is truly “insupportable.” If we succeed in this, then when the final, inevitable moment comes, we can face it knowing we have truly lived. The cessation of breath will seem like a small thing in comparison to a lifetime of love.