“On meurt deux fois, je le vois bien :
>
Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable,
>
C’est une mort insupportable :
>
Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”. Source
This 18th-century French verse, often attributed to Voltaire, offers a profound insight. It translates to: “We die twice, I see it well: To cease to love and be lovable, that is an unbearable death: To cease to live is nothing.” The true tragedy, it suggests, is not physical death. Instead, it is the emotional death we experience when we feel unworthy of love. This fear of being unlovable often fuels a relentless, exhausting pursuit of perfection.
We chase flawless careers, perfect relationships, and ideal bodies. We believe that if we can just eliminate every flaw, we will finally be safe from judgment and worthy of affection. However, this path rarely leads to peace. In fact, it often leads to constant anxiety and a feeling of never being good enough. The true path to inner calm lies not in achieving perfection, but in embracing our inherent, beautiful imperfection. Voltaire (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
The Unattainable Ideal
Modern culture constantly bombards us with images of flawlessness. Social media feeds present curated highlight reels of life. Advertisements promise that one more purchase will solve our problems. Consequently, we develop an unrealistic standard for ourselves and for others. This pressure creates a significant mental burden. We start seeing our own lives through a lens of lack, focusing only on what needs to be fixed. Donna Karan Biography – Fashion History Timeline
In contrast, ancient philosophies offer a healthier perspective. For example, the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi finds beauty in things that are imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It celebrates the cracks, the asymmetry, and the signs of age that mark an object’s unique history. This worldview teaches us that flaws are not failures. Instead, they are evidence of a life lived, a journey taken. Embracing this mindset can radically shift how we view ourselves. Donna Karan Biography – Fashion Institute of Technology
Shifting Your Perspective on Flaws
Changing your relationship with imperfection begins with a conscious shift in perspective. It involves learning to see your supposed flaws not as defects, but as integral parts of who you are. This process is not about ignoring areas for growth. Rather, it is about replacing harsh self-criticism with gentle self-compassion. When you make a mistake, you can choose to learn from it instead of berating yourself.
Indeed, developing self-compassion is a powerful tool for building mental resilience. Researchers have consistently found a strong connection between self-compassion and improved psychological well-being. . People who treat themselves with kindness during difficult times are better equipped to handle life’s challenges. Therefore, this practice is fundamental to finding inner calm. Source
. Donna Karan – Fashion Institute of Technology
The Freedom of Letting Go
The quest for perfection is deeply tied to a need for control. We believe that if we can manage every detail, we can prevent failure and pain. However, this is an illusion. So much of life is fundamentally outside of our control. We cannot control how others perceive us, what challenges the world throws our way, or the ultimate outcome of our efforts. Trying to manage the unmanageable is a primary source of stress.
Stoic philosophy provides a practical framework for letting go. The Stoics taught that wisdom lies in differentiating between what we can control and what we cannot. We can control our own thoughts, judgments, and actions. Conversely, we cannot control external events or other people. By focusing our energy exclusively on our own responses, we liberate ourselves from the anxiety of trying to control the uncontrollable. This acceptance is not passive resignation; it is an active and empowering choice.
This philosophical approach encourages you to do your best but release your attachment to a specific outcome. You can pour your heart into a project, yet you must accept that its reception is beyond your control. You can be a loving partner, but you cannot control your partner’s feelings or actions. This separation between effort and outcome is a cornerstone of inner peace. It allows you to find satisfaction in your own integrity and actions, regardless of the external result.
Ultimately, embracing imperfection is an act of courage and self-love. It is the understanding that our cracks do not diminish our worth; they make us whole. By letting go of the need to be flawless, we open ourselves up to a more authentic and peaceful way of living. We finally allow ourselves to be human, and in that humanity, we discover a profound and lasting calm.