“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.”
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— S.C. Lourie
This powerful statement from author S.C. Lourie captures a profound truth about personal growth. We often chase positive changes. We want to be healthier, happier, and more successful. However, we rarely talk about the messy, uncomfortable middle part. The journey toward something better often starts with a period of difficulty. It can feel confusing, painful, and even like a step backward.
Lourie’s words serve as a gentle, knowing reminder. They tell us that the initial discomfort is not a sign of failure. Instead, it is an integral part of the transformation process. Understanding this paradox is the first step toward navigating the turbulent waters of change with grace and resilience.
The Psychology Behind Painful Growth
Why does a change meant to improve our lives often feel so bad at first? The answer lies in our basic human psychology. Our brains are wired for comfort and predictability. We build routines and habits that create a sense of safety and stability. Any disruption to this equilibrium can trigger feelings of anxiety and stress.
Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone
Positive change, by its very nature, forces you out of your comfort zone. This is the familiar space where things are easy and require little mental effort. When you start a new job, for example, you leave behind familiar colleagues and workflows. You enter a world of new expectations and uncertainty. This initial phase is mentally taxing. Consequently, it can feel overwhelmingly negative, even if the new job is a major career advancement. The brain resists this new, high-effort state. Source
The Grief of Letting Go
Furthermore, every new beginning is also an ending. To embrace a positive change, you must let go of something else. Leaving a toxic relationship means letting go of the familiar patterns, however unhealthy they were. Moving to a new city for a dream opportunity means leaving friends and family behind. This process involves a genuine sense of loss. Therefore, it’s natural to grieve what you’ve left behind. This grief can temporarily overshadow the excitement of the new path you are on.
Common Examples of Uncomfortable Positive Change
The friction between a positive goal and a difficult beginning appears in many areas of life. Recognizing these patterns can help you feel less alone in your struggles.
- Starting a Fitness Journey: The goal is to become stronger and healthier. The beginning, however, is filled with sore muscles, fatigue, and the challenge of building a new routine. It feels like punishment before it feels like a reward.
- Pursuing Higher Education: Going back to school opens doors to new careers. Yet, the initial phase involves financial stress, late-night study sessions, and feeling overwhelmed by coursework. The long-term benefit is often hard to see through the immediate pressure.
- Embracing Sobriety: Choosing to live a sober life is an incredibly positive change for health and well-being. The beginning, however, involves difficult withdrawal symptoms, confronting underlying issues, and learning new coping mechanisms. It is a challenging and often painful process.
- Setting Boundaries in Relationships: Creating healthy boundaries improves your mental health. In the beginning, it can lead to conflict and pushback from others who were used to the old dynamic. This friction feels negative, even though it’s a step toward healthier interactions.
How to Navigate the Discomfort of Change
If positive change often feels bad, how can we endure the initial phase without giving up? The key is to shift your mindset and adopt practical strategies to support yourself through the transition.
Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
First, give yourself permission to feel the discomfort. It is okay to feel scared, sad, or frustrated. Pushing these feelings away or judging yourself for having them will only make it harder. Acknowledge that this is a normal part of the process. Simply saying,