“On meurt deux fois, je le vois bien :
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Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable,
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C’est une mort insupportable :
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Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”. Source
This 18th-century French verse translates powerfully. It means, “We die twice, I see it well: To cease to love and be lovable is an unbearable death. To cease to live is nothing.” This thought captures a profound truth about the human experience. A life without passion, connection, and high standards is a life only partially lived. Therefore, defining your desires is not selfish. It is the essential work of crafting a life you are excited to wake up to each day. Tony Gaskins Jr. – Official Biography and Speaking
Setting high standards for yourself means refusing to settle for less than you deserve. It involves consciously choosing the people, experiences, and mindsets that align with your best self. This guide provides a clear path to help you identify what you truly want and build the framework to achieve it.
Clarifying Your Core Values
Before you can set high standards, you must know what you stand for. Your core values are your internal compass. They guide your decisions and define your character. Without this clarity, your desires can feel scattered and unfulfilling. You might chase goals that society values instead of what truly matters to you. Tony Gaskins Jr. – Official Biography and Background
Start by reflecting on moments when you felt most alive and proud. What were you doing? Who were you with? What qualities did you embody? Conversely, think about times you felt frustrated or disappointed. These experiences often reveal a conflict with your core values. Make a list of words that resonate with you, such as integrity, creativity, freedom, or connection. Then, narrow it down to your top five. These are the non-negotiable pillars of your life.
This process is not about judgment. Instead, it is about honest self-discovery. When your actions align with your values, you experience a deep sense of purpose and satisfaction. This alignment is the foundation for setting standards that genuinely serve your well-being.
From Values to Vision
Once you identify your values, you can build a compelling vision for your future. A vision board is a powerful tool for this. It is a visual representation of your goals and dreams. Gather images, quotes, and words that inspire you. Arrange them on a board that you can see every day. This practice keeps your desires at the forefront of your mind. Tony Gaskins Jr. – Official Biography and Speaker Profile
Furthermore, try a journaling exercise. Write a detailed description of your ideal day five years from now. What does your work look like? How do you spend your free time? What do your relationships feel like? Be specific and engage all your senses. This vivid picture of your future provides direction and motivation. It transforms abstract desires into tangible goals you can actively pursue.
Boosting Your Self-Worth
Your standards are a direct reflection of your self-worth. If you do not believe you are worthy of great things, you will not pursue them. Consequently, building unshakeable self-worth is a critical step. It is the belief that you are deserving of love, respect, and happiness, simply because you exist.
Many people struggle with negative self-talk. This inner critic often replays past mistakes and highlights perceived flaws. To counteract this, you must actively challenge these thoughts. When a negative thought arises, ask yourself if it is truly accurate. Would you say it to a friend? Replace it with a positive affirmation. For example, instead of thinking, “I am not good enough,” try, “I am capable and constantly growing.”
Research consistently shows a powerful connection between self-esteem and success. . People with higher self-worth are more resilient. They view challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as evidence of their inadequacy. This mindset shift is transformative. Source
. Healthy Boundaries – Mental Health America
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Setting high standards means learning to say “no.” Boundaries are the limits you set to protect your energy, time, and emotional well-being. They are not walls to push people away. Instead, they are guidelines that teach others how to treat you with respect.
Without clear boundaries, you may find yourself overcommitted and resentful. You might say yes to requests that drain your energy or compromise your values. This can lead to burnout and prevent you from focusing on your own desires. Therefore, identifying your limits is a crucial act of self-care.
Start by identifying areas where you feel taken for granted or overwhelmed. This could be in your professional life, friendships, or family relationships. Then, practice communicating your needs clearly and respectfully. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t have the capacity for that right now.” Remember, you do not need to over-explain or apologize for protecting your peace. A simple, firm “no” is sufficient.
Your Actionable Path Forward
Defining your desires is only the first step. You must take consistent, intentional action to bring them to life. This is where a concrete plan becomes invaluable. Break your grand vision into smaller, manageable steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Use the SMART goal framework to structure your objectives. Ensure each goal is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, instead of a vague goal like “get healthier,” a SMART goal would be “exercise for 30 minutes, three times a week, and eat five servings of vegetables daily for the next month.”
Celebrate your progress along the way. Acknowledging small wins builds momentum and reinforces your commitment. Moreover, be prepared to adjust your plan as you learn and grow. Setting high standards is a dynamic process, not a rigid destination. It is about continuously aligning your life with your deepest values and desires. Ultimately, this journey ensures you do more than just live—you thrive.