“On meurt deux fois, je le vois bien :
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Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable,
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C’est une mort insupportable :
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Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”. Source
This quote from the French poet Voltaire translates roughly to: “We die twice, I see it clearly: to cease to love and be lovable is an unbearable death; to cease to live is nothing.” For years, I experienced a version of this unbearable death. I was alive, yet I was not truly living. My mind remained trapped in a future that did not exist, a place filled with endless, anxious questions. This story details my escape from the paralysis of “what if” to the profound joy of “what is.”
The “what if” loop is a relentless cycle. What if I fail this presentation? What if they do not like me? What if I make the wrong choice? Each question spawned a dozen more. My mind built elaborate catastrophes from tiny seeds of doubt. Consequently, I became frozen. I avoided opportunities because I feared potential negative outcomes. This anxiety kept me from engaging with my own life. I was a spectator, watching a horror movie where I was the main character. Every decision felt monumental and terrifying. The present moment was just a blurry layover on the way to a future I was certain I would ruin. Voltaire (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
The Cracks in the Walls
My “aha” moment was not a lightning strike. Instead, it was a slow dawn. It started with small observations. I noticed the warmth of my coffee cup one morning. I heard the full song of a bird outside my window. These moments were tiny anchors to the present. They were real. The catastrophic futures I imagined were not. I realized I was sacrificing tangible, simple joys for intangible, imagined fears. The cost of my anxiety became clear. I was trading the beautiful, messy reality of “what is” for the perfect, sterile misery of “what if.” That realization was the first step toward freedom.
. Mindfulness meditation may ease anxiety, mental stress
Learning to Live in the ‘What Is’
Shifting my focus was not easy. It required conscious, daily effort. I started with mindfulness, a practice centered on non-judgmental awareness of the present. At first, my mind would constantly wander back to its anxious loops. However, with persistence, I learned to gently guide it back. Research supports this approach. For example, mindfulness-based therapies are highly effective at reducing anxiety symptoms . This practice is not about eliminating anxious thoughts. Instead, it is about changing your relationship with them. You learn to see them as passing clouds, not as the entire sky. Source
Practical Tools for Staying Present
When I felt a “what if” spiral beginning, I used grounding techniques. One simple method is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. You identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This simple act forces your brain to connect with your immediate environment. It pulls you out of your head and into the present moment. The Benefits of Gratitude – Harvard Health Publishing
Furthermore, I started a gratitude journal. Each night, I wrote down three things from the day that I was thankful for. This practice retrained my brain to look for the positive. Instead of scanning for potential threats, I started noticing small moments of joy. For instance, I might write about a good conversation with a friend or the taste of a fresh apple. Over time, this shifted my entire perspective. People who practice gratitude consistently report higher levels of positive emotions. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction: What You Need To Know
. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change
Acceptance is a huge part of embracing “what is.” It means accepting that you cannot control everything. You cannot predict the future. You can only control your actions in this very moment. This realization is incredibly liberating. It allows you to pour your energy into what you can do, right here, right now. This focus on present action builds momentum and confidence. It also quiets the anxious voice of “what if.”
The Freedom of Now
My journey is ongoing. The “what if” voice still whispers sometimes. However, it no longer shouts. It no longer paralyzes me. By rooting myself in the “what is,” I have found a quiet joy and a deep sense of peace. Life is no longer a series of future obstacles to overcome. It is a collection of present moments to experience. Cesser de vivre—to cease to live—is nothing. But to cease to truly live by being trapped in your mind? That is the unbearable death I chose to escape.