“On meurt deux fois, je le vois bien :
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Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable,
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C’est une mort insupportable :
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Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”. Source
These poignant words come from the French writer Marquis de Montglat. They translate to a powerful truth. “We die twice, I see it well: To cease to love and be lovable, that is an unbearable death: To cease to live is nothing.” This sentiment, while not from Shakespeare himself, captures a theme the Bard explored extensively. Indeed, it is a timeless insight into the human condition. It suggests that a life devoid of love and connection is a tragedy far greater than physical death.
Shakespeare’s plays are filled with characters who suffer this “first death.” They lose their ability to love, trust, or act with integrity. Consequently, they become isolated shells long before their final scene. We can draw practical wisdom from these timeless stories. They teach us how to cultivate love, navigate trust, and build an ethical life. Ultimately, they show us how to avoid the unbearable death of the heart. William Shakespeare – Folger Shakespeare Library
The Art of Loving and Being Lovable
The poem argues that ceasing to love is a profound loss. Love is not a passive state; it is an active practice. We must choose to give and receive affection, kindness, and empathy. When King Lear banishes his honest daughter Cordelia, he shuts his heart to genuine love. As a result, he invites the first death into his life. His emotional world collapses long before his physical one does. He chose power over connection and paid a terrible price for it.
. King Lear – Folger Shakespeare Library
So, how can we actively practice love? First, we must cultivate empathy. Try to understand the perspectives of others, even when you disagree. Furthermore, practice small acts of kindness without expecting anything in return. These actions build a foundation of goodwill. They also make you more “aimable,” or lovable. People are naturally drawn to those who radiate warmth and generosity. This isn’t about changing your personality. Instead, it’s about letting the best parts of you shine through your actions.
Maintaining Your Capacity for Love
Life often presents challenges that can make us bitter. Betrayal and disappointment can tempt us to close ourselves off. However, Shakespeare’s heroes often find redemption by reopening their hearts. For example, Prospero in The Tempest chooses forgiveness over revenge. He reclaims his humanity and his ability to love. This choice allows him to reconnect with his daughter and his world.
To avoid the first death, we must protect our capacity for love. This requires conscious effort. Spend time with people who uplift you. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Moreover, learn to forgive others and yourself. Holding onto grudges only poisons your own spirit. By actively nurturing our hearts, we keep the unbearable death at bay and live more vibrant lives.
Building a Foundation of Trust
To love fully, we must also learn to trust wisely. Trust is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship. Yet, Shakespeare’s tragedies are littered with the wreckage of misplaced trust. Othello trusts the manipulative Iago over his faithful wife, Desdemona. This fatal error leads to destruction. The lesson is clear: naivety is not a virtue. We must remain open to connection while also being discerning about who we let into our inner circle.
Choosing trustworthy individuals requires observation and patience. Pay attention to how people act over time. Do their words align with their actions? Are they consistent, reliable, and respectful of others? True character reveals itself in small, everyday moments. In contrast, untrustworthy people often use flattery and grand promises to mask their intentions. Learn to recognize these patterns without becoming cynical. It is a delicate but essential balance for a healthy social life. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare – MIT
Psychological research consistently shows a strong correlation between high levels of social trust and individual happiness. People who feel they can rely on others tend to experience lower stress and greater life satisfaction. Therefore, investing in trustworthy relationships is an investment in your own well-being. Source. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
. Ethics – Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
Living an Ethical Life with Integrity
Finally, the concept of being “aimable” is deeply connected to living an ethical life. Integrity is magnetic. People admire and trust those who live by a strong moral compass. In Shakespeare’s plays, characters who compromise their principles for power or gain, like Macbeth, end up isolated and tormented. Macbeth’s ambition leads him to murder, but his actions destroy his peace of mind and all his meaningful relationships. He becomes a tyrant whom no one can love or trust.
Living ethically means defining your core values and striving to live by them. What principles guide your decisions? Honesty, compassion, fairness, and responsibility are common foundations. Regularly reflect on whether your actions align with these values. When faced with a difficult choice, ask yourself which path honors your integrity. This internal compass will guide you toward decisions that you can be proud of.
This commitment to a moral life builds self-respect, which is the foundation for earning respect from others. It makes you a reliable friend, a trustworthy partner, and a principled member of your community. Ultimately, living with integrity ensures that you are someone worth loving and trusting. It is the final piece in avoiding the “unbearable death” and living a life rich with meaning and connection.