“Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”. Source
This single sentence delivers a masterclass in wit. It blends dark humor, cynical realism, and a dash of materialism into a perfectly formed quip. For decades, people have attributed this sharp observation to the legendary American writer Dorothy Parker. Indeed, the line feels like it was plucked directly from her famously acerbic mind. It acknowledges a universal truth while simultaneously undercutting it with a pragmatic desire for comfort.
But did she actually say it? The journey to verify this quote reveals a fascinating story about how words gain a life of their own. It involves old newspapers, historical texts, and the enduring power of a well-deserved reputation. Let’s explore the evidence behind one of the most memorable quotes about wealth and wellness. Dorothy Parker Society – Biography and Works
The Case for Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker Papers, 1916-1999 (1893-1967) was a celebrated poet, writer, and critic. She was also a founding member of the Algonquin Round Table, a group of New York City’s sharpest wits. Her work is famous for its biting humor and keen observations on life’s absurdities. Therefore, attributing this quote to her makes perfect sense. The sentiment aligns flawlessly with her public persona. The quote’s construction—a common proverb followed by a cynical, materialistic twist—is a hallmark of her style.
Strong evidence supports this attribution. Researchers have traced the quote’s first known appearance in print to a January 1959 article in Britain’s The Liverpool Echo. This discovery is significant for one crucial reason: Dorothy Parker was still alive. She lived until 1967, giving her nearly a decade to correct the record if the attribution was false. The fact that she seemingly never did lends credibility to the claim. Source
. Dorothy Parker Papers – Manuscript Division – Library of Congress
The Quote Gains Momentum
The saying quickly spread. Just a month later, in February 1959, the Nantwich Guardian in England also printed the quote and credited Parker. Its journey across the Atlantic and into mainstream American culture solidified when editor Evan Esar included it in his 1968 collection, 20,000 Quips and Quotes. This inclusion introduced the line to a much wider audience. Subsequently, newspapers and columnists frequently featured the quote, almost always with Parker’s name attached. For instance, The Kansas City Times highlighted it in 1977, and Jon Winokur included it in his 1987 book The Portable Curmudgeon.
A Theme as Old as Time
While the specific phrasing is modern, the core idea is ancient. The tension between health and wealth has been a subject of human reflection for centuries. As far back as 1676, author Izaak Walton wrote about a similar concept in his famous book, The Compleat Angler. He described health as “the second blessing that we Mortals are capable of: a blessing, that mony cannot buy.” This shows that people have long understood the limits of financial power when it comes to well-being. What Parker seemingly did was distill this age-old wisdom into a sharp, unforgettable, and distinctly modern line.
Interestingly, the memorable image of a “diamond-studded wheelchair” appeared in a different context years later. In 1974, members of the rock band Brownsville Station told a magazine they wouldn’t mind being paralyzed “as long as I can go in a diamond-studded wheelchair.” This parallel usage shows the phrase had entered the popular imagination as a symbol of opulent consolation. The Compleat Angler by Izaak Walton – University of Rochester
Lingering Doubts and a Final Verdict
Despite the strong circumstantial evidence, there is a slight complication. In his 2004 book Dorothy Parker In Her Own Words, author Barry Day includes the quotation. However, he provides no specific documentation tracing it to Parker’s own writings or recorded interviews. Many of her other famous quotes come from verifiable sources, like her renowned 1956 interview with The Paris Review. The absence of such a primary source for this particular line leaves a small crack of doubt for purists.
So, what is the final verdict? While we lack a definitive, firsthand source from Parker herself, the evidence overwhelmingly points in her direction. The quote appeared in print during her lifetime with her name attached. Furthermore, no credible alternative author has ever been proposed. The style is quintessentially hers, and the sentiment captures her worldview perfectly. Until new evidence emerges, it is reasonable to tentatively credit Dorothy Parker with this iconic piece of wit. It remains a timeless reminder that while money can’t solve every problem, it can certainly make some of them more comfortable.