“Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? Cause it’s hard to keep up the lie. ‘Cause you can’t get nobody being you. You got to lie to get somebody. You can’t get nobody lookin’ like you look, actin’ like you act, soundin’ like you sound. That’s right, when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative!”

Chris Rock
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“You could be the baddest mama on earth. I don’t give a fuck how good you are. Ain’t nothing you can say more powerful than, “

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“Women always ready to settle down. Shit, a woman goes on four good dates, she’s like “

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“I am scared of young white boys. If you white and under 21 I am running for the hills.”

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“You could get rid of all the crack, all the herb, all the blow, you know what would happen? People would just think of new ways of getting high. That’s right, guys would go in their basement and become scientists, like “

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“A bunch of girls like: “

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“You know what men want? Food, sex, silence. That’s it. That’s it. Food, sex, silence. “

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“Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth—hey, you need Prozac, I’m your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don’t understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you’re white! Smile!”

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“There ain’t a white man in this room that would change places with me. None of ya! None of ya would change places with me…and I’m rich! That’s how good it is to be white.”

Chris Rock
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“You know what’s fucked up about taxes? You don’t even pay taxes. They take tax. You get your check, money gone. That ain’t a payment, that’s a jack.”

Chris Rock
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