“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
This powerful statement by the celebrated poet and author Dr. Maya Angelou offers profound wisdom. It cuts through the noise of our daily interactions. Moreover, it reminds us of what truly matters in human connection. Words fade and actions can be forgotten. However, the emotional imprint we leave on others is permanent. This quote serves as a timeless guide for our personal and professional lives. It challenges us to focus not just on what we do, but on how we do it.
The Ephemeral Nature of Words and Actions
We spend so much time choosing our words carefully. We plan our actions with great intention. While these things are important, Dr. Angelou suggests their impact is fleeting. Think about a conversation you had last week. Can you recall every single word that was exchanged? Probably not. Similarly, you might remember that a colleague helped you with a project, but the specific details of their actions may blur over time.
This happens because our brains are selective. We cannot possibly store every detail of every interaction. Consequently, the brain prioritizes information. It often discards the mundane specifics in favor of more significant data. The words and deeds themselves become less important than the overall experience. They are simply the vehicles that deliver a feeling. Therefore, focusing only on saying the right thing or doing the right thing misses the larger point.
The Lasting Power of Emotion
The core of the quote lies in its final clause. The emotional residue of an interaction is what sticks with us. This is not just a poetic idea; it has a basis in neuroscience. Our brains are wired to remember emotionally charged events more vividly than neutral ones. The amygdala, the brain’s emotional center, works with the hippocampus to encode these memories deeply.
Why Feelings Linger
When you experience a strong emotion, your brain flags the event as important. This makes the memory more robust and easier to recall later. For example, you will always remember the joy you felt at a surprise party. You will also remember the comfort a friend offered during a difficult time. These feelings create a lasting impression that transcends the specific words or actions involved. . This is why a simple act of kindness can be remembered for years. Conversely, a moment of disrespect can leave a scar that never fully heals. The feeling is the legacy. Source
Applying This Wisdom in Everyday Life
Understanding this principle can transform how you interact with the world. It encourages a shift from a transactional mindset to a relational one. Every interaction becomes an opportunity to leave a positive emotional impact.
In Your Personal Relationships
In relationships with family and friends, this quote is paramount. It’s not about winning an argument or proving a point. Instead, it’s about making your loved ones feel heard, valued, and safe. Active listening, empathy, and genuine kindness are the tools you use. For instance, instead of just giving advice, try to understand the feeling behind a person’s problem. This creates a much deeper and more meaningful connection. The feeling of being understood will last far longer than any specific advice you give.
In the Professional World
This wisdom is also incredibly valuable at work. As a leader, your team will remember the feeling of empowerment and trust you fostered. They may not recall the details of every project plan. However, they will remember feeling respected. In customer service, this is the golden rule. A customer will forget the exact words of a support agent. Yet, they will never forget feeling dismissed or, conversely, feeling genuinely cared for. Businesses that prioritize a positive customer experience build incredible loyalty. They understand that the feeling they create is their most powerful brand asset.