“On meurt deux fois, je le vois bien :
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Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable,
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C’est une mort insupportable :
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Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”. Source
This powerful verse, often attributed to the modern poet Atticus, actually originates from the French philosopher Voltaire. It translates to a profound observation: we die twice. The first death, the unbearable one, is when we cease to love and be lovable. In contrast, the second death, the physical end of life, is nothing. This idea strikes at the heart of a common human struggle. Many of us spend our lives chasing affection. We yearn to be wanted, chosen, and loved. However, this pursuit often leaves us feeling empty.
Voltaire’s wisdom reveals a critical truth about fulfillment. A life dedicated solely to receiving love is a fragile existence. It makes our happiness entirely dependent on external validation. True contentment, conversely, blossoms from the love we actively give. It grows from our capacity to connect with others and contribute to their well-being. Let’s explore why this shift in perspective is the key to a truly rich life.
. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy – Voltaire
The Hollow Echo of Seeking Validation
Why does a life focused on being loved feel so hollow? The answer lies in control and authenticity. When your self-worth hinges on someone else’s approval, you give them power over your emotional state. Consequently, you might find yourself constantly performing. You change your personality, hide your flaws, and silence your true opinions. You become a reflection of what you think others want to see. This exhausting act creates a deep disconnect from your authentic self.
Furthermore, this chase is endless. The validation you receive is often fleeting. A compliment feels good for a moment. A social media like provides a brief rush. However, these external rewards do not build a lasting foundation of self-esteem. Instead, they create a cycle of need. You constantly require another hit of approval to feel worthy. This path leads not to happiness, but to anxiety and a profound sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by people. True connection cannot grow in the shadow of inauthenticity.
Moving Beyond External Approval
The desire to be loved is not inherently wrong. It is a natural human need for belonging. The problem arises when it becomes our only goal. Researchers in psychology distinguish between different types of life goals. Seeking love as a form of validation is an extrinsic goal. In contrast, learning to give love and build genuine connections is an intrinsic one. This fundamental shift is where genuine fulfillment begins. Source. Self-Determination Theory: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation – University of Rochester
The Active Power of Giving Love
Voltaire’s verse highlights a more empowering alternative: to love and to be lovable. Notice the active nature of these words. Loving is a verb. It is something you do. It involves empathy, compassion, kindness, and vulnerability. When you shift your focus from getting love to giving it, your world expands. You start seeing opportunities for connection everywhere. You listen more deeply to friends. You offer help to a neighbor. You share a kind word with a stranger. Atticus Poetry – Official Website
Moreover, the concept of