“Surprizes are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable.”
This piece of wisdom, often misattributed, perfectly captures a sentiment many of us feel but hesitate to admit. While many associate this quote with various historical figures, it actually comes from the sharp-witted world of Jane Austen. Her character Emma Woodhouse’s thoughtful brother-in-law, Mr. John Knightley, utters these words in the novel Emma. He argues against the chaos and potential awkwardness of unplanned events. His perspective challenges the popular notion that surprises are always delightful expressions of affection.
Instead, he suggests they are often ill-conceived gambles. The potential reward rarely outweighs the very real risk of discomfort, anxiety, or logistical nightmares. This 19th-century observation remains incredibly relevant today. It invites us to look closer at the true nature of surprises and question whether they truly serve the recipient or simply the giver’s desire for a dramatic reveal.
Why the Pleasure Isn’t Enhanced
Let’s first explore the idea that a surprise fails to enhance pleasure. A planned event, like a birthday dinner or a weekend trip, comes with the joy of anticipation. We look forward to it. We can prepare mentally and emotionally. This build-up is a significant part of the overall positive experience. Anticipation allows us to savor the future event, extending its happy effects long before it actually happens. A surprise, by its very nature, eliminates this entire phase.
Furthermore, a surprise forces an immediate, public reaction. The recipient must perform gratitude and delight on the spot, regardless of their true feelings. This pressure can be immense. Imagine being woken up early for a surprise breakfast when all you wanted was to sleep in. Or, consider receiving a surprise gift that you genuinely dislike. You must still smile and express thanks, which creates a moment of internal conflict and insincerity. The focus shifts from genuine enjoyment to social performance. Consequently, the pleasure becomes tainted by obligation rather than being a pure, authentic experience.
The Anxiety of the Unknown
For many people, the unknown is a source of stress, not excitement. A surprise disrupts routine and removes an individual’s sense of control. People who thrive on order and predictability often find surprises deeply unsettling. The sudden deviation from a plan can trigger anxiety. Instead of feeling cherished, they might feel flustered, unprepared, or even ambushed. For example, a surprise party can be a nightmare for an introvert who needs time to mentally prepare for social gatherings.
Psychologists suggest that personality plays a huge role in how we perceive surprises. Source . People who prefer structure find comfort in knowing what comes next. Therefore, a surprise strips away that comfort, replacing it with uncertainty and the mental effort required to adjust to a new situation on the fly. This cognitive load can easily overwhelm any potential joy from the surprise itself.
The Considerable Inconvenience of Surprises
Mr. Knightley’s second point is perhaps even more compelling: the inconvenience is often considerable. A well-intentioned surprise can easily create a cascade of logistical problems. Think of a surprise vacation. The giver might book non-refundable tickets without realizing the recipient has an important work deadline or a prior commitment. The surprise then becomes a source of stress, forcing the recipient to either cancel important plans or disappoint a loved one.
Even smaller surprises can backfire. A surprise visitor might arrive when the house is a mess or when the host is exhausted and needs quiet time. A surprise pet is a classic example of a disastrous gift. It imposes a massive, long-term responsibility on someone who may not be prepared for it. In these cases, the