“On meurt deux fois, je le vois bien :
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Cesser d’aimer & d’être aimable,
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C’est une mort insupportable :
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Cesser de vivre, ce n’est rien.”. Source
The French philosopher Voltaire penned these powerful words. He suggests we experience two deaths. The first is an “unbearable” death of the spirit. This happens when we stop loving and being lovable. The second, the physical end, is “nothing” in comparison. This idea strikes at the heart of a fundamental question. Are you truly living, or just existing? Many people drift through life on autopilot. They follow a path laid out by others. This is a life of default. However, there is another way. You can live a life of choice, filled with intention and purpose.
What is a Life of Default?
Living by default means letting external forces dictate your path. Societal expectations, family pressure, and old habits often make your decisions for you. You might take a job because it seems practical, not because it inspires you. Perhaps you maintain friendships that drain your energy. You follow routines without questioning their purpose. This passive approach can feel safe and comfortable. Indeed, it requires less immediate effort.
However, this comfort comes at a high cost. A default life often leads to a quiet sense of dissatisfaction. You might feel a nagging emptiness or a sense of being a passenger in your own life. Consequently, you may wake up one day wondering how you arrived at your current destination. It’s a life where the days are full but the soul feels empty. This is the first “death” Voltaire described—a life devoid of the passion that makes it worth living.
. Choice, Decision Making, and Mental Effort – Stanford University
Embracing a Life of Choice
In contrast, living a life of choice is an active, conscious process. It means you are the architect of your own existence. You make decisions based on your core values and personal goals. Furthermore, you take responsibility for your happiness and fulfillment. This path requires courage and self-awareness. It involves asking difficult questions and sometimes making unpopular decisions.
Choosing your life doesn’t mean you control every outcome. Instead, it means you control your responses and direct your energy intentionally. For example, you might choose a career that aligns with your passions, even if it’s less conventional. You actively cultivate relationships that uplift and support you. You design daily habits that move you closer to your ideal self. This intentionality is the antidote to the “unbearable death” of the spirit. It fills your life with meaning, purpose, and genuine love for your journey.
Step 1: Discover Your Core Values
To stop living by default, you must first understand what truly matters to you. Your core values are your internal compass. They guide your decisions and define your character. Without this clarity, it’s easy to be swayed by external pressures. Therefore, take time for self-reflection. Ask yourself what principles you want to live by. Is it creativity, integrity, compassion, or adventure?
Make a list of potential values. Then, narrow it down to your top five. This exercise forces you to prioritize. Once you have your list, start using it. Before making a significant decision, ask yourself, “Does this choice align with my core values?” This simple question can be a powerful tool. It helps you shift from reactive decision-making to proactive, value-driven choices. Living by your values builds a life that feels authentic and deeply satisfying. Values in Action: A Guide to Personal Values Assessment
Step 2: Set Intentional, Value-Aligned Goals
Once you know your values, you can set goals that truly resonate with you. Default goals often sound like what we should want. For instance, a bigger house or a specific job title. Intentional goals, however, are connected to your “why.” They are expressions of your core values in the real world. For example, if you value “community,” a goal might be to volunteer weekly or organize neighborhood events. Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being
Researchers have found a strong link between personal values and well-being. People who pursue goals that align with their authentic interests and values report higher levels of happiness. . This data clearly shows the psychological benefit of intentional goal-setting. Consequently, your goals become a source of motivation rather than a source of stress. Source
. Mindfulness-Based Decision Making: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Framework
Step 3: Practice Mindful Decision-Making
A life of choice is built one decision at a time. The key is to move from mindless reaction to mindful action. This involves creating a small pause between a trigger and your response. Whether you’re deciding what to eat, how to spend your evening, or how to react to a difficult email, take a breath. This small space allows you to make a conscious choice instead of falling back on old habits. The Psychology of Decision Making – American Psychological Association
Start with small, daily decisions. For instance, instead of automatically scrolling through social media, ask yourself what would truly nourish you in that moment. Perhaps it’s reading a book, stretching, or calling a friend. Each time you make a conscious choice, you strengthen your “intentionality muscle.” Over time, this practice expands to bigger life decisions. You become more adept at steering your life in the direction you truly want to go. This deliberate practice is the foundation of an empowered life.
Conclusion: Your Life is Your Masterpiece
Shifting from a life of default to a life of choice is a continuous journey, not a final destination. It requires ongoing reflection and courage. The French quote reminds us that a passive existence is a profound loss. In contrast, choosing to live with purpose, love, and intention is the greatest act of creation.
You hold the pen to write your own story. By identifying your values, setting meaningful goals, and making conscious decisions, you can design a life that feels vibrant and true. Start today. Make one small, intentional choice. That single step is the beginning of reclaiming your life and ensuring you truly live before you die.