“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
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— Alice Walker
Pulitzer Prize-winning author Alice Walker shared this profound insight. It cuts to the heart of a universal human struggle. Many of us feel stuck at times. We believe external forces control our lives. However, Walker suggests something different. She argues that we often willingly surrender our own influence. The most significant barrier to our potential is not an outside force. Instead, it is a limiting belief we hold inside our own minds.
This idea is both challenging and empowering. It challenges us to look inward at our own role in our circumstances. Furthermore, it empowers us by placing the key to change directly into our hands. Understanding this quote is the first step toward reclaiming your personal agency and building the life you desire. Let’s explore what this power is and how you can stop giving it away.
Unpacking the Meaning of Personal Power
When we hear the word “power,” we often think of authority or control over others. But that is not what Walker means here. Personal power is not about domination. Instead, it is about self-determination and influence over your own life. It is the ability to make choices that align with your values. It is the capacity to set boundaries and advocate for your needs. Essentially, personal power is your internal agency.
Thinking you have no power creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. This psychological phenomenon is known as an external locus of control. People with an external locus of control believe that outside forces, like luck or fate, dictate their outcomes. Consequently, they feel helpless and are less likely to take initiative. In contrast, an internal locus of control is the belief that you can influence events and their outcomes. Research consistently shows that individuals with a strong internal locus of control tend to be more successful and experience greater well-being . Source
Giving up your power often happens subtly. It is in the small moments when you say, “I can’t do anything about it.” It occurs when you let fear of failure stop you from trying something new. Each time you blame circumstances instead of looking for solutions, you hand your power over.
Where We Surrender Our Agency
Recognizing how we give up power is crucial for taking it back. This surrender often manifests in our daily thoughts and language. For example, in the workplace, you might think, “My boss will never approve that idea, so why bother?” This thought prevents you from even trying. You have surrendered your power to innovate and contribute before anyone else could reject it.
In personal relationships, this can sound like, “I have to go to that event, or they will be upset.” This frames the situation as if you have no choice. In reality, you have the power to communicate your feelings and set boundaries. You can choose not to go, or you can explain your reluctance. Similarly, when pursuing personal goals, the thought “I’m not smart enough to start that business” is a direct surrender of power. It allows an unproven belief to dictate your entire career path. The common thread is a mindset of limitation rather than one of possibility.
Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Power
Recognizing the pattern is the first step. Taking action is the next. Reclaiming your power is not a single event but a continuous practice of conscious choices. Fortunately, you can start today with small, manageable actions that build momentum over time.
1. Shift Your Language
Words create your reality. Pay close attention to how you speak about your life. Replace passive, powerless phrases with active, empowered ones. For instance, instead of saying, “I have to,” try saying, “I choose to.” This simple shift reframes a chore as a conscious decision. Instead of “I can’t,” ask “How can I?” This opens your mind to solutions instead of shutting it down with limitations. This linguistic change reinforces your sense of agency and control over your own actions.
2. Start with Small, Decisive Actions
You do not need to make a massive life change overnight. Instead, build your confidence by making small, deliberate choices. Choose what to eat for dinner instead of letting others decide. Pick the movie for movie night. Complete a small task you have been procrastinating on. Each decision, no matter how minor, acts as a workout for your “power muscle.” It proves to your brain that you are in control. Subsequently, you will feel more prepared to tackle larger decisions with confidence.
3. Set and Enforce Boundaries
Boundaries are a powerful declaration of self-respect. They define what you are and are not willing to accept from others. Learning to say “no” without guilt is a fundamental skill in reclaiming your power. Start by saying no to a small request that you genuinely do not want to do. You do not need a long explanation. A simple, “I can’t commit to that right now” is enough. Enforcing boundaries shows both yourself and others that you value your time, energy, and well-being. It is a clear signal that you are the authority in your own life.
4. Embrace Responsibility
Victimhood is the ultimate surrender of power. When you blame other people or external circumstances for your problems, you render yourself helpless. To reclaim your power, you must take radical responsibility for your life. This does not mean blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. Instead, it means focusing on what you can control: your response. You cannot control the traffic, but you can control your reaction to it. You cannot control what others do, but you can control how you act. This shift moves you from a passive recipient of life to an active participant.
In conclusion, Alice Walker’s words are a timeless reminder of our own potential. The belief in our own powerlessness is the greatest obstacle we face. However, by understanding what personal power truly is, recognizing how we surrender it, and taking intentional steps to reclaim it, we can transform our lives. Your power has been there all along. It is simply waiting for you to believe in it and, more importantly, to use it.